My mind is numb,
The words just will not form coherently.
It's a colorful chaos.
The thoughts, they jolt, and buck, and grasp for attention,
Each one clamoring over the other to be heard.
I cannot give them all attention at once.
I want to jot them all down before they disappear,
Yet as I reach to do so, they cling together and
I cannot decipher one from another.
It frustrates me.
I want to straighten them out.
I need to express these words, these thoughts.
But they will not yield.
They will not form.
They will not cooperate.
So many subjects, so many opinions,
So many things I want to voice and say!
I have thoughts about this too!
I have questions I want answered;
I have answers I need to share;
Why can't I?
These words! These beautiful friends,
and inspiration, take hold and leave me thinking deep thoughts.
Then they leave.
I toss, I turn, I cannot sleep.
Chills run down my back.
Tomorrow my thoughts will have settled,
Tomorrow I will be able to put them on paper,
Tomorrow I will not be frustrated.
The words are there. One on top of the other.
Scrambling. Clawing. Clamoring.
I fight with them. I need to make them stop.
Just long enough for me to corral them gently.
I am worn.
I am driven to distraction.
I am not myself.
Maybe they are not to be said?
Maybe they just need to be kept safely somewhere,
Until they are ready to settle and be articulated.
For now they will.
For now they will drive me crazy,
For now I will gnaw quietly.
Someday they will quiet down,
And I will write them.
For now, I wait.